Something struck me while I was having a hearty chat with my buddies which invoked some thoughts with regards in the current relationship over the past 8 months.
Several things appeared immediately in my mind...
Was I doing the right things?
Am I making the right decisions?
Am I truly who I am?
Over the 8 months, I told myself. I'd do anything to make her smile. So be it big or little things, I'd compromise and accommodate. But then I realized, that isn't me. I am still myself in physical terms. My mindset unchanged. But my behaviours, my habits were changed due to compromising and accommodating.
Most of the things that I've been doing, are they for the right cause? It seems nice and well in the beginning, but as I think deeper, I think I might have made a mistake. I instilled a false mindset into her, misleading her as to what a relationship should be. What a mutual relationship is.
I felt weak. As I am accommodating to her wants and needs, I was weak. As a result, she claimed the higher position.
It will be selfish of me if anyone were to read this and get judgemental. So, in her defence, she is not wrong. She did not make any mistake. She is an absolutely awesome person. The only problem is she is not subjective enough.
This reminds me of a line from Puff Daddy's I Need A Girl (Part Two).
"Someone who truly understands, how to treat a man. This is what I need"
I don't blame her. She is probably too young to understand or even view this different. It will take time to make her understand and to see eye to eye.
Therefore, from now onwards, what she sees is my true self. It is up to her to decide if she will accept me for who I am and what I feel. Although I won't force her to see eye to eye or to even accept it. I hope she understands.
At least I have one thing to be happy about, I got a psp. Another one off the bucket list!
Labels: Love And Relationship, Muse
